It's been a While....

          It's been a while since I posted something. No....it was not just a while but a very long time. A couple of years seems like forever. In those pair of years, many things had happened in my life. There we're ups and downs. But thank God, whenever I fell down, I got backed up to the saddle. As I read the contents of my blog,  I could hardly believed I've made and wrote those things. Before, I used to think of those as crappy rantings that I wanted to let out of my mind, so as not to overcrowd the little brain of mine. But now, I have never been so proud of myself to create such craft. I know it may not sound especial because anyone can do better than me but I just can't help my self feeling awesome. lol

           I don't consider myself as I writer but when I think about childhood, all I can remember is a little girl sitting underneath a tree with a note pad and a pen, writing random stuffs. And sometimes drew caricature of some things that amuses her. No...I wasn't a writer nor  a poet... I was just a little girl sharing her world on a paper. 

          

          To summarize my  2-year roller coaster hell-of-a-life, here it goes...

I quit my job in that small infirmary that I had worked on for a year and stepped out to the real world. It was a tough decision to make. I had to leave some of my good old friends, old fun habits,wild and dark self, so basically my comfort zone. I ventured out into the wild urban jungle, trying to catch up to the fast pace of life. My life turned topsy-turvy the moment I decided to leave my dear monotonous hometown. I didn't give a damn whether I did a right decision., as long as I made a stand. All I know at that time, I need a breath of fresh air, out to what I routinely used to be in.

Nobody said it was easy. Out in a crowd of possibilities is hardcore. Got no one to rely on but myself. But life teaches you to use some resources to survive, that's I guess the basic rule in Survival 101. To shortened it, tides went favorably in my side and I sailed through the vast ocean of expectations and uncertainty. It wasn't a smooth sailing ride. I've been bashed by the waves of disappointment, depression, frustrations and fear. But through it all, battling against those waves, my ship remained sturdy. I guess I have the privilege to borrow this infamous quote, "I am the captain of my ship, the master of my soul." lol

          As I landed to the barren land of hopes and dreams, some of expectations where unmet. Failures banging my behind. Moronic thoughts plaguing my mind, shaking my philosophies to the ground. I hated what I become. Oh god...if this might be the earth's little version of purgatory, I would drill my self to hell. Exaggerating as it my seem.., my apologies. hek!

          I am here now, murdering my grammar, thanking the auto-correct for my spelling and feeling like a crap, just an upgraded version of an old me. I know, I'm one step closer than yesterday, but to where? I'm about to throw my paddles to the shore. 

          I don't know how to end this none sense but surely do this again. I guess a warm shower on an autumn night would clear the smog that hovers over my head. ;)