If there's one person in the world who never stop believing in me and in my almost impossible dreams, that would be my "tante". I just don't know but every time she throws up encouraging words. it fuels up my determination to achieve my goals in life. I know that most of the time, I get disappointed with the world and with my self, but with her supporting words in a form of a joke, it enlightens the darkness within me.
Before, I was so stupid thinking of hiving up my dreams, for I thought that I had already everything that I basically need, a stable life and a loving family. I thought that with or without me, my family can stand alone. I have nothing more to dream of. All I wanted was just a simple and happy life, that when I see myself inside my coffin,I am smiling. But how can I smile when I see people around me suffering just because of unjust neediness, where in fact, deep in my heart, I know I have the potential to help them? It tears mt heart to know that this potentiality of mine is being disputed by my own weaknesses. And I am aware of it, yet I do nothing. Damn! Fucking me!
If only I could detach myself. Make another new me,start all over again. I would really do it. But I can't. It's just can't.
I wish I've recorded all the things she said,so that whenever I get down, I could use it to cheer me up again. But I guess, I've already did. I've recorded it not in any high tech.recorder but in a thing where I can play it anytime over and over again without getting it damaged. The place called, heart.As long as her memory. encouragement and smiles remains in that secret special place of mine, I know that my(our) dreams is just an inch away. Thanks! ;-)
Am I halfway there?
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